remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Randomize
