I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize