she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
