i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
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He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
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Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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