You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
