The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
