Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
