found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
