you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
