I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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