Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
