please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
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