I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
