Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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