I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
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Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
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I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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