this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
