Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
