theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
