I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
