its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
