went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
