The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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