im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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