do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
