Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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