So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My dick has a subreddit
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
