There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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