shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
