She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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