I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
