tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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