i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
