I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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