he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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