i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
