I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
