I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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