Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I will be naked everywhere
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
