no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
