If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
This house was built for laser tag.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
