the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
