He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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