New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
