I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
