I think my vagina is haunted
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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