kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
