he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
