I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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