i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I think my moral compass just broke
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