I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
