he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
