it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Sext me about skeletons
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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