Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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