So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
