I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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