I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
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Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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