i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
