dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
