another moral hangover. fuck.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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