Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
