I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
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nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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