yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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