I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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