I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We are all done wearing pants today
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
