I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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